Deshi Basara▲

“When the snows fall, and the white winds blow, the lone wolf dies but the pack survives.”

Best day ever since a really long time. 

Overslept but I reached npoc at 10. He was there. Saw Ismail after a really long time too, I missed him so much. He showed me where he displayed our cards and how KL was so curious about it haha. Imma do one for KL as well. Apparently she thinks about me every time she steps into npoc lol.

He saw my tattoos, Ismail added fuel saying I have 3 on me. And he went “what?!?!? 3?!? so not the type who will get tattoos!” haha although I dislike people judging me like that, I loved his expression. Priceless. I spent most of the time at the counter chatting with Ismail and he would randomly walk over. Once he came in and asked me to show him my tatts, and I said no, maybe if he shows me his first. then he said ” How am I gonna show you? strip here?” *well yes.

So he showed me the pic on his phone and yeah, it’s a beautiful Maori tattoo, designed himself, and I think it’s really his style, although I don’t really appreciate it. 

Lunch time and I went to buy food for myself and Ismail. When I came back, he asked why didnt I buy for him haha so I said “you’re talking to JY whattttt”. With so much jealousy added into it.

towards 3pm I discovered that my junior knows Jacob too ( Kelvin’s her idol!! haha how cute). So I went on and on saying how amazing Jacob is and S walked over to the counter again. As he turned to go back to the rooms, Ismail said “SJ cuter.” and laughed. S looked back giving the same reaction, and pointed the ipad at me. LIKE HELLO I’M INNOCENT. But I really like the way he stands, the aura he brings along as he walks, and his eyes. He’s born so perfect, so flawless, yet so scarred on the inside. If only his heart complemented his looks.

Throughout the whole morning he was a little restless, but as he got busy in the afternoon I found myself missing his occasional presence. I know he’s got much better plans, I know I’ve got to find a reason to grow some hate in myself so that I don’t feel so miserable. But no one, really no one, knows how much time I spent (then) convincing myself that I hate him. Oh wells. I’ve got an angelic idol who can motivate me a lifetime. Jacob, you’re the best!:)

the parlor ringed me up and told me they support my (and my mom’s decision. I’m happy, yet sad at the same time. I’ve grown attached to them and I wanna get to see them everyday kinda thing. I really hate myself for screwing things up. but God heard my prayers, and for that, I can’t be more thankful.

Rest day tomorrow, I need so much time for myself.

Lunch was kickass good. And the Prof’s a nice guy, additional plus points cos of the treat!;DD haha finally tasted German sausage today (Y). But the portion’s alittle too much. I am still full 1 hour post-lunch. haha that rarely happens. I was asked if there’s anyone in my life now and my colleagues went “of course.” LOL I ALMOST DIED. Thank God Jacob’s name wasn’t revealed. He’s my idol, no more, no less.

Then here comes the real challenge. Tonight. I’ve to tell them that I can’t be what they wanted me to be, and seriously, I don’t know if I’ll be able to walk out alive. I really hope they understand and yeah, there’re just too many things pulling me back and I can’t put everything down and leave. Giving up my hope of working w Jacob in future is a huge NO. If something bad ever happens (touch wooood), I love my dearest family who supported me, a crazy donkey, through all these years, for bearing with my nonsense and for accepting Jacob and treating him like a king. I love my friends, whom I always whine to and also, conduct brainwash therapy on. Most importantly, the one idiot I cannot forget, cannot unlove, no matter how much hate I have for him. Truth is, since the moment I heard he’s leaving, I have been dreaming of him standing behind me, taking my hand, and looking into my eyes so intensely. Oh wells.

Lord, bring me through tonight, I don’t wanna waste anyone’s time, I hope they really understand,I might be meant for so much more.